Ice Cream Man Arrested For Trying To Pass Finger Of Twirl Off As Flake In 99s
May 18, 2021 – BREAKING NEWS,
A LOCAL ice cream distribution technician is facing up to 5 years in prison for fraud and ’99 ice cream defacement’ after trying to serve customers a 99 fitted with a single finger of chocolate from a
David Nolan (47) was arrested in his van which was seen parked up at several popular seaside locations in the last number of days, and in distressing scenes gardaí were forced to take a number of 99s with Twirls in them from children as part of an evidence gathering operation.
“We completely appreciate the unique challenges faced by 99 technicians due to the ongoing and impending Flake shortage but we condemn this despicable act,” offered arresting garda Tom Macken, horsing down an ice-cream.
The black market is now rife with counterfeit Flakes with 99 aficionados willing to pay as much as €100 for a pure 99.
“Confidence in 99 distributors is now at an all time low, thanks to this reprobate,” shared one 99 technician WWN spoke to, “it’s one thing running out of raspberry sauce or hundreds of thousands but to plonk a Twirl in there… what a fucking monster”.
Nolan’s 99 licence has subsequently been revoked by the 99 Council of Ireland pending the trial, but in a clear sign that he shows no remorse for his crimes the man was heard screaming “they’re basically the same, there’s no difference” as he was bundled into a police van.