SURVIVOR’S ORDEAL

My Garda ex told me to bleed to death as I gave birth to our son – I’m begging women to see relationship red flags

‘I think after the year before, I thought, ‘How can I not enjoy this?’ I craved hugs, I craved all the intimacy, to feel that love felt great, felt amazing. I didn’t realise at that stage it was wrong’

• Published: 8:00, 3 Dec 2023
• Updated: 10:23, 3 Dec 2023

A WOMAN who survived the coercive control of her Garda ex-partner while battling stage four cancer, has told how she “feels lucky to be alive” after her harrowing ordeal.

And she has begged other women to see the “red flags” in relationships before they become dangerous and toxic.

Last year, Paul Moody, 44, was caged for three years and three months for his relentless abuse of Nicola, the mother of his son.

Dublin Circuit Criminal Court heard how the ex-cop threatened, assaulted, robbed and controlled her for over four years after they met online in 2017.

Throughout their relationship, he sent more than 30,000 messages — including 652 in one 14-hour period in July 2018.

In one message he described her as being “riddled with cancer”.

Now a courageous survivor of his abuse, Nicola has waived her anonymity to share her story in a new RTE documentary, Taking Back Control.

In the programme, Nicola details the escalation of her abuse and reveals:

• How evil Moody celebrated when her cancer returned;
• How the ex-cop told her he wanted to see her “bleed to death” during a pregnancy scan
• How gardai nailed the thug when he handed his phone in on a separate matter;
• How she’s begging other women not to fall into the same traps.
• The couple met on a dating site in 2017, shortly after Nicola beat cancer of the breast, hip, spine and liver.
• But almost immediately Moody showed red flags, which Nicola ignored because she didn’t realise it was wrong.
• Nicola said: “My phone never stopped calling. If I went to work, my phone never stopped calling. If I went in to visit my sister, he was practically on the phone for the whole time I was visiting my sister.
• “A couple of times he said to me, ‘I don’t want to spend one day without you’. I didn’t think he meant it. But he actually really meant it.
• “I think after the year before, I thought, ‘How can I not enjoy this?’ I craved hugs, I craved all the intimacy, to feel that love felt great, felt amazing. I didn’t realise at that stage it was wrong.”
• It all came to a head one night following a row at her sister’s house. He was asked to leave and drove drunk to Nicola’s apartment and told her if she didn’t get home, he would wreck the place.
• RELENTLESS ABUSE
• Nicola said: “He smashed up the whole apartment. He got glass and smashed all the units, put all my medicine on the walls, he destroyed everything.
• “That was bad enough, but then he had sent photographs, saying he was going to put them all over the internet — photographs that I was unaware Paul had taken.”
• Afterwards, they met up and Nicola told him their relationship was over.
• She recalled: “As I left, I came out onto the main road and he was trying to get me to jam into his car.
• “He was shouting abuse at me in the next lane and then he was pulling in front of me and trying to jam his car so I would hit the back of it.
• “I remember getting home shaking and I didn’t even tell anybody because I thought, who would actually believe me?
• “And then a few days later, I discovered I was pregnant.”
• The documentary shows some of the abusive messages Paul sent her, including: “Honestly, ur better off getting cancer again or killing the child cause sweetheart!! What you have started I’m gonna f***in finish.”
• And five months into her pregnancy, Nicola discovered the cancer had returned.
• ‘WORST THING HE SAID’
• When she went into labour, Moody stole her baby bag and wouldn’t return it. He was so abusive in the ward, security escorted him out.
• Nicola said: “The worst thing he said to me that day was, ‘I only came here to watch you bleed to death.’ I don’t think I will ever get over that.
• “But one thing is for sure, I love and adore my son. So if this is what it took to get him, every single thing was worth it.”
• When she got home from the hospital, she realised Moody had stolen all of the items from the nursery.
• Nicola added: “I knew if anything were to happen to me, my son would be raised by this man. And he kept telling me continuously, ‘All of your family will never ever see him again’.”
• Nicola launched a GoFundMe for specialist treatment in Thailand, with rock band Aslan hosting ‘A Night for Nicola’ to raise money. She needed treatment seven days a week, but Moody refused permission for their son to go unless he was also allowed.
• Nicola relented and soon Moody was violent again.
• She said: “It was the day before Father’s Day, Paul tried to come on to me. I didn’t want to have sex.
• “So he threw a two-litre bottle of water over my head. And then he attacked me. He was ripping up all my clothes, he was choking me, he was spitting at me and I couldn’t get out of the bedroom.
• “After at least an hour of being attacked, I ran out in my nightdress, soaked, and I ran upstairs to the manager of the building, and I said, ‘You have to get him out’.”
• SICK MESSAGES
• The end came when vile Moody began blackmailing her to stop all family court proceedings against him.
• The thug said he would tell his Garda bosses a family member of Nicola’s had tried to bribe him.
• Gardai subsequently started an investigation, and Moody handed over his phone as evidence.
• However, his twisted plan backfired when investigating officers found the thousands of sick messages he had been bombarding Nicola with.
• A female guard asked Nicola to meet her and told her: “We know what Paul Moody has been doing to you. Would you like our help?”
• Moody pleaded guilty to coercive control and last summer was sentenced to over three years’ jail.
• And for anyone in the same situation as she was, Nicola said: “There is always hope — but I will ask anybody who is suffering in silence to take one step. You will never know where it will lead you to.”
• She added: “I don’t take life for granted. I get up and I put my music on and I dance around the kitchen when we’re having breakfast.
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