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Sexual abuse survivor says offenders are better looked after than victims

Victims’ access to services and counselling needs to be improved

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ABUSE SURVIVOR and victims’ rights campaigner Shaneda Daly has called on the government to prioritise resources within the justice system in favour of the victims of abuse over the perpetrators.

Survivors Side By Side – a support group set up by Shaneda on Facebook for survivors of sexual abuse – reached a milestone this year after its membership numbers passed 2,000 people.

Speaking with the Sunday World, as part of the group’s annual Christmas message of support to those experiencing abuse and living with it’s aftermath, Shaneda said one issue that hasn’t changed is that perpetrators of abuse are better looked after by the state than their victims.

“It’s incredible to think the situation surrounding the ability of abuse victims to access services like counselling remains so hit and miss,” she said.

“And it’s an issue that our members raise again and again.

“Abusers when they are jailed are given access to every kind of support, including counselling and courses, once they are jailed.

“It’s a very different story for the victims.

“More resources need to ring-fenced to ensure victims of abuse have the same level of access to counselling.

“And money desperately need to be allocated to increase the number of Rape Crisis Centres.

“It shouldn’t be the case that abuse victims come second. The government needs to recognise that it is prioritising the needs of abusers over victims and reverse that approach.”

Describing Christmas as one of the hardest times of the year for victims, Shaneda said the holidays are comparable to funerals for many abuse victims.

Shaneda, who endured horrific Christmas’ herself, defined by the sexual abuse perpetrated on her by her prison officer father Harry Daly, told us: “I’ve seen a good bit on the page where people talk about family funerals which present many of the same difficulties for victims as Christmas.

“They feel forced to be around the person who abused and to go along with the family secret and say nothing.

“People know but they don’t talk about it and the person who experienced the abuse has to stay quiet and go along with all the happy clappy crap.

“But we want people to know they don’t have to go along with that.

“Things are changing … admittedly very slowly … but nobody should feel they have to keep that secret.

“Speak out and don’t be afraid of the repercussions

“You are not alone … and it is never too late to get help and advice and everyone is welcome to come to ‘Survivors Side by Side’ group on Facebook and get advice.

“People can contact us anonymously just to get advice or support … there is no onus on them to report an abuser if they don’t want to.

“The main message they should take from this is: You are not alone … never be afraid to reach out.”

Shaneda has previously spoken of her own horrific experiences at the hands of Harry Daly.

“My own memories of Christmas are still disturbing,” she said.

“My father would wake me on Christmas morning by putting his hands under my blankets to molest me.

“Later that day he would rape me. I have loads of memories of playing with different toys I had received while my father would have sex with me or molested me. I would just block him out.

“When I was 17, I told my mother about the abuse.

“My father left for a year and came back, according to my mother, a cured and changed man.

“I used to have to sit at the Christmas table remembering what he done to me while the rest of my family enjoyed their meal and gifts.

“When I was 26 he sexually assaulted me again.

“My mother chose to stay with him and I was excluded from the family.

“It destroyed me that he got to be with the family and I was the outcast. .

“It hurt to see my friends with their families at Christmas while my own family was so messed up.

“This is just my story, there are so many more abuse victims out there that will, this Christmas, have to sit across from their abuser because someone is telling them to be quiet or labelling them a liar.

“The saddest part this year is that, while most people are celebrating, some innocent children will be going through this hell.

“Their Christmas memory will be of being molested or raped by someone they trusted and loved; more children will have another part of them die.

“Through being an abuse survivor, I have met hundreds of other wonderful, strong men and women who were once victims.

“We all want to say no child should have to suffer and no one who knows has the right to silence them.”

Shaneda’s abuser Harry Daly was sentenced to 15 years on multiples counts of child rape in 2011.