NEW YORK CITY — In a stunning turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, socialism has officially flopped in the Big Apple faster than a dropped slice of dollar pizza. Mayor Zohran Mamdani, the city’s fresh-faced champion of “free stuff for everyone except the rich,” promised a utopia where buses zoom around gratis and trash magically disappears into the ether.

Instead, residents are scaling Everest-sized garbage heaps just to catch a glimpse of a subway fare that’s now higher than Snoop Dogg on a Tuesday.
“Look, we tried the whole ‘workers’ paradise’ thing,” Mamdani reportedly sighed while dodging a rogue pizza rat. “But turns out, when you promise free rides and end up with a $12 billion budget black hole, the only thing free is the advice from critics: ‘Told you so.’”
Locals aren’t buying it—or rather, they’re still buying MetroCards at inflated prices. “I climbed over a mountain of soggy diapers to get to work, and the bus driver still demanded three bucks,” lamented one Brooklynite. “If this is socialism, I’ll take my chances with the rats—they at least work for peanuts.”
City officials insist the trash avalanche is just a “temporary setback” from Winter Storm Fern, and free buses are “coming soon,” right after they tax the air you breathe. In the meantime, New Yorkers are advised to pack hiking gear and a sense of humor.
Reported by Hugh Janus of TDS News, where the derangement is always on special.
— in New York, NY.

Catherine

@cat_barnes30