NEW YORK CITY — In a stunning turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, socialism has officially flopped in the Big Apple faster than a dropped slice of dollar pizza. Mayor Zohran Mamdani, the city’s fresh-faced champion of “free stuff for everyone except the rich,” promised a utopia where buses zoom around gratis and trash magically disappears into the ether.

Instead, residents are scaling Everest-sized garbage heaps just to catch a glimpse of a subway fare that’s now higher than

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